Monday, February 22, 2010

It was the four year old, in the bedroom, with a red crayon.

Perhaps I wasn't looking hard enough for the fine print in my guide to rearing children book. Maybe an entire chapter had mysteriously gone missing. But no where did it mention that upon having children I would have to don a blue plastic suit and whip out my forensics kit at a moments notice to solve many a household mystery.

If you have children, I imagine that you are nodding your head at this very moment. Every day seems to hold a new and exciting puzzle to solve, some easy, some, not so much.

Le Artiste, thankfully, does not seem destined for a life of crime (there you go mum, that should help you sleep easier at nights). When a sticky blue snake is to be found dangling from his bedroom ceiling, he will simply stare at the floor, stare back at the snake, shrug his shoulders and say "Yes, sorry mum, it was me. I threw the snake at the ceiling." Which is always handy as it saves me many unnecessary hours of canvasing the neighbourhood looking for someone who is randomly throwing sticky blue snakes around.

Petal, on the other hand, will deny all crimes, regardless of how blatantly all signs point to her. Whilst using a handy blue biro to scrawl a tag on the lamp shade when no one is around seems like a well executed plan, scrawling your own name will in fact give the game away entirely. As it will when written on the bookshelf or across Dolly's forehead. I'm sure with age she will attempt a wee bit more discretion, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I won't be fooled if I see *Mummy* penned cunningly on to the coffee table, oh no, I will be onto that like a shot... just as soon as I check out my own alibi.

Admittedly, I have a small crime file of my very own, some misdemeanors which I remember and some which I'm sure my parents would be more than happy to remind me of. There was the time I thought it would be a fabulous idea to cut some decorative shapes into my bedroom blind. The time I thought I would try my hand at hairdressing and trim myself a fringe (or bangs, for you American folks) which I then thought I could cleverly disguise with around 20 bobby pins. Oh, and not to forget the time I aimed my slingshot at a lemon and instead took out the stained glass panel next to our neighbours front door, for which my sister caught the initial blame, oops. Ah yes, happy memories, don't you agree mum ? I just know you're reading this with a smile on your face.

Anyway, now it is my turn to play detective. Will I ever be able to solve the mystery of the bent towel rail ? Hmm, yes my dear Watson, I think I see a clue.


  1. hehehe.. I love it! thanx waffles! always a good laugh when reading your blog...

  2. So, do you line them all up and make them place their hands on the imprints?

    I was one of those annoying kids who got away with a lot, so mine haven't quite managed to out manoeuvre the master... yet.

    rellneu - french for the latest thing

  3. Tough case. Could possibly take you all day to solve. Just like who ripped off all the flaps in Spot goes to the beach book. J was seriously wondering who did it last night. When I told him "You" He just shrugged and said, "Oh yeah, that's right" My kids deserve NOTHING I tell ya. This was v. funny :)

  4. Ha! Crime solved. You can file that one under 'H' for Hand Prints. It's amazing how many mysteries can unfold in the humble home. I love the blank looks I get when I ask the million dollar question..."Who Did This???" xo

  5. I am so with you on this one!!!although mine is still at the age where she will just fess up- completely putting herself in it... which I kind of like.

  6. i know, we are still at the fess up stage, which i love.

    hey lovely Ms Waffler, thanks for the gorgeous gift, absolutely gorgeous!!!

  7. Oh yes, i have children who form alliances like they'll be voted off the family island . . . & one main player who will not ever admit she did it. Including writing her name on her bunk bed when she was 3, carving a heart into the driver door on the family car & when we said "we know it's you, you wrote your name" she just started writing siblings names everywhere. Seriously!!
    We have a lovely green alien drawn on our fabric bed head, but it's OK, it matches the green alien on the bedside table. You pay extra for a custom design like that!! Love Posie

  8. Hee hee. I swear it is just those crafty girls that leave you wondering and not crafty in a good sewing way either!

  9. Now I see why they whip off a hand in some countries for the most minor of crimes. It's to save the towel rails!!!
    Good luck scouting out the culprit :o)

  10. Sometimes I ask my son in a very angry voice "Did you do this ?" *pointing to some devastation wreaked in his wake*

    He answers so sweetly and innocently with a "yes, of course mom, who else could it have been" that I melt and forgive him every time.

    I am a huge big softy and my child will grow up a brat. But for today we are happy

  11. Ha ha ha!!! Funny little things. It's my 3yo who carries out all the destructive behaviour around here. He has drawn on furniture, stuck stickers on the wooden floor, pulled the keys of a spare laptop and tipped juice on to the floor of the car. Little bugger. But he readily admits his wrong doings. With a smile.

    What do you make of that?!

  12. Sadly, its the youngest of the children here who couldn't lie straight in bed. Blatant bare-faced-fibs about the smallest of misdemeanours. I am thinking ahead and ordering in my "Mother's Handy Pack of Luminol" for the inevitable escalation of crimes which will follow.

  13. Oh no, no crimes are ever committed in our household by those who dwell within. Outside forces are always to blame. Yesterday, whilst I was in the basement tending to the laundry, a commotion was heard above. Going to investigate I was greeted by 3 chickens having a grand time in the lounge. Asking the wee girl with the feathers in her hair just how the chickens had come to be in the house she answered, "Mom, they broke the door down 'cause they are after you bread!"

    This morning when asked who ate the last piece of birthday cake, she with the frosting on her nose says, "It was them evil ants!"
    So you see, none of us here are guilty.


Please feel free to leave a few words, I love to know what you're thinking.