Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Touch of the Crazies.

Week in, week out, I put together a shopping list (actually 'The Shopping List', but that's another blog post entirely), load up the green bags in the boot and hike off the mountain to do the grocery shopping. Generally it's an expedition which runs with military precision. First we knock over fruits and vegetables, then we move to the other end of the supermarket to cover household cleaning products, then we work our way back to our final stop in the dairy section.

I never take more than one child but I'm always quick to offer a sympathetic smile to the poor frazzled women I see with multiple children hanging off the trolley (with at least one wonky wheel) like a collection of banana-lust driven monkeys.

I realise having a completely neurotic system like this doesn't work for everyone, but for me it makes a generally tedious chore, well, not quite so tedious.

Then comes Christmas and my perfect little system which has served me so well through-out the year, goes flying out the window, just like a couple of turtle-doves and a partridge escaping a pear tree.

Have you noticed what happens in the supermarket just prior to Christmas ? People start to go into a stock-piling frenzy and it's not just because Aunt Mabel, Uncle Ron and their twelve children have come to stay, it's because.....shock horror....the supermarket will be closing it's magical glass doors for a WHOLE DAY.

I know, right, a whole 24 hours without access to the wondrous aisle upon aisle of cans and boxes. I mean, sure, there are small convenience stores which we can rely upon to NEVER, EVER close under ANY circumstances, but what if we need a can of Argentian Gumb fish for the salad or twice pickled South American Hoho berries for the dessert ? Will we find those at the convenient store ? I think not.

So en masse we get a touch of the crazies. We stand in the baking aisle with a packet of long-life milk in each hand, wondering if ten packets will possibly be enough, we are talking twenty-four hours after-all. We load up on products on the off-chance that there is a massive post-Christmas glitch which leaves the supermarket doors closed for ever.

My warning to you all is get in early, grab your seventy packs of toilet tissue and your cans of Argentian Gumb fish whilst you still can. Because next weekend you will need full body armour and finely honed trolley maneuvering skills to outwit, outlast and outshop. Good luck.


  1. You crack me up - I got a good giggle out of this this morning. WHY? because it is OH SO TRUE!

    I known to make sure that we are stocked up on wine, beer and champagne because what might happen without alcohol for ONE DAY? WHO KNOWS! lol

  2. Bah ha ha! South American Ho Ho Berries. I so desperately hope that they are real. Because I am going to go to a supermarket in the near future and yell out: "I WANT MY HOHOS, SO HELP ME GOD IF I CANNOT FIND MY HOHOS."

    And then some delightful assistant will direct me to aisle three where they keep the HoHos as well as the lesser variety of Musk Tubers, which I hear go particularly well in salads.

  3. I know! It astounds me too, this whole 'stock up in case the supermarket world ends' thing!!
    CRAZY is right!!! ;)

  4. Elle, we have a tradition in the Waffler house where-by each and every Christmas day, The Coach tries to convince me that the bottle shop will be open and he can get some extra beers. Each year I nod my head, wish him the best of luck in finding that elusive open bottle shop, and settle back to enjoy my ten bottles of champagne. *Sigh*

  5. Oh Rick, surely you've had a Hoho dessert or two over the years ?? (Still giggling at the Musk Tubers, they sound deeeee-lightful)

  6. Um, is that list one you fashioned yourself or one you got from somewhere? Either way, I want one! I hear you, Am hoping the four square up the street has all I need this xmas because even Aldi was packed with 1000 people last night. Grrr. Post was Ace. :)

  7. Very funny, laughing into my gin and tonic. I used to be of the affliction " morbid fear of the shops being shut" and would stock up on candles, torch batteries and tinned tomatoes pre Christmas. Now I don't worry so much, there's always leftovers. Thanks for the laughs, great post!

  8. I am SO with you on this. I never understand why people go so crazy! It's like they're stocking up for a month! There's something open somewhere. My local bakery even opens on Christmas Day. At least we'd have bread. And lamingtons. Life is complete.

  9. It is already dizzyingly (I know it's a made up word) mobbed with folks who have their mouths agape and a thousand yard stare in their eyes. What with all the brightly colored crap at child eye level causing that one child to go into fits of over stimulation that resemble lunacy.
    What if I need my can of Jack fruit?


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