This morning Petal and I had the following conversation :
Me : Oh dear my sweet, you still have a temperature. Let me know when you need to go to the toilet because the doctor has asked us to take a wee sample.
Petal : A wee sample of what mama ? And why are you talking in a Scottish accent. (okay, only joking, I wasn't really talking in a Scottish accent at all)
Me : Now all you have to do is pee into this teeny, tiny jar. All good ? Excellent.
Petal : But how do I do that mama ?
Me : *Sigh* (really, she looks like such a bright child) weeeell, when you go to the toilet, you just carefully hold this little....
Petal : Why can't you hold it ?
Me : (hastily trying to recall if I have a handy biochemical suit or veterinary rectal gloves) Well you might accidentally wee on my hand. Ewww. *adding a little laugh for good measure*
Petal : That's okay. You can wash your hands after.
Hmm, yes, a valid point made by Petal, but really, now that both of my children are school age, I'm not quite so willing to get, well, dirty on the job, so to speak.
The truth is that I think I have paid my dues. I know I'm not the only mother of a son who was caught out during a nappy change (although the fact that my little nephew accidentally peed on his own face still makes me giggle, just a little). I also know that I'm not the only mother who has dealt with nappy explosions which were so toxic that I couldn't help but wonder if my child was sneaking out of the cot during the night and scarfing down vast quantities of cabbage and beans with a side order of buttermilk. I'm also pretty confident that I'm not the only mother who, when in a shopping centre with a toddler who has suddenly turned green, has simply cupped their hands together and said "It's okay sweetheart, just vomit in mummies hands." (Seriously, you've done that right ? Please tell me I'm not the only one who has done that).
Ah yes, the things we put ourselves through for the love of our children. It's all funny (and rather disgusting) in hindsight, but we do it without a second thought. Oh hang on, is that a giggle I hear from the couch ? Could Petal be on the mend ? Yes, YES, I think the fever has broken, hurrah, looks like I can put the biochemical suit away, at least until next time.
5 years ago