Dearest Le Artiste,
It would seem, at the grand old age of eight, that you have been blessed with keen powers of observation. Unfortunately you have not yet mastered the art of tact, so I thought now would be the perfect time for me to share some words of wisdom with you.
Here are ten comments/questions that no woman or girl EVER wants to hear. At the moment your giant brown puppy dog eyes may save you from a womans scorn, but in later years, if you don't heed my advice, you may need to learn to dodge oranges and raspberry slushies.
1. Are you turning into a man ? You are growing a moustache.
2. Ewww, grosse, I can see your knickers.
3. Woo hoo, show us your knickers *snigger snigger*.
4. Is that hair coming out of your nose or is there a spider crawling around in there ?
5. My bum's really small, but yours is very big.
6. How old are you ? No, REALLY, how old are you ?
7. Did you go to the hairdressers ? You look like a tiger.
8. Would you like to marry/go out with/ come on a date with me ? 'Cause Jessica/Olivia/Bertha already said "No."
9. Would you like a vacuum cleaner/toaster/lawn mower for your birthday ?
10. Wow, your mum/sister/Aunt Mabel is really hot.
I hope this advice serves you well.
All my love,
5 years ago